Tekken football!
by Dinaga
Summary: Did you ever wonder how will Tekken fighters play football? Well, you are on right place! Welcome to wicked football where players fight with each other! Sit back, read and review please! ^_^


Heihachi: Welcome to a football match between Mighty Losers and Gentle Punks! I'll be your commentator!  
  
This is another great derby and I'm sure you'll enjoy it like the previous one! I did!  
  
Christie: YOU PROMISED YOU WON'T SAY TO ANYBODY!  
  
Heihachi:...sorry!  
  
Kazuya: OK shut up old man! Let the people to watch!  
  
Heihachi: Damn children never remember to respect old ones. GUARD! Move him to torture room!  
  
Guard: Yes, Heihachi.  
  
(Guard drags Kazuya)  
  
Heihachi: And now let's take a look at our players! We'll start with Mighty Losers!  
  
MIGHTY LOSERS:  
  
1. Ganryu - The great goalkeeper!  
  
2. Jin Kazama - Dumbass and worst player on world!  
  
3. Lee Chaolan - Homosexual player which can be really...FAST!  
  
4. King - Mexican wrestler and a good player!  
  
5. Dr. Bosconovitch - Crazy insane psyho who can do nothing except demonstrating his wicked experiments!  
  
6. Baek Doo San - Hwoarang's sensei and great player!  
  
7. Armour King - Another wrestler and a teacher of King! Marduk's mortal enemy!  
  
8. P. Jack - A crazy cyborg with offensive name!   
  
9. Yoshimitsu - Manji ninja and good player with no skills at all!  
  
10. Steve Fox - British boxer who knows nothing about football!  
  
11. Marshall Law - Japanese player, who likes fresh cold lemonade!  
  
Heihachi: Those were Mighty Losers! Now for the Gentle Punks!  
  
GENTLE PUNKS:  
  
1. Craig Marduk - Big fat juicy goalkeeper!  
  
2. Bryan Fury - Part man, part zombie, all insane! This guy is totally chewed up!  
  
3. Hwoarang - A great soldier who sucks at football!  
  
4. Forest Law - Son of lemonade lover and good player!  
  
5. Eddy Gordo - capoeira master and football sucker!  
  
6. Wang Jinery - Old bones with fresh human meat! Good in rolling around!  
  
7. Lei Wulong - A cop with guns'n'stuff! Knows nothing but don't mention that to him!  
  
8. Paul Phoenix - Judo fighter who never heard of football!  
  
9. Tiger Jackson - Another capoeira fighter who likes Afro hairstyle!  
  
10. Mokujin - Wooden fool who can mimic other fools!  
  
11. Bruce Irvin - Black player who just LOVES cokies!   
  
(Audience cheers)  
  
Heihachi: Good luck to both teams! The teams are warming up, and...START!  
  
Marshall Law's got the ball! He starts dribbling! GREAT skills! But Tiger Jackson is getting close to him...WOW! Tiger is backflipped!  
  
Marshall: You sick freak! No brazillian football player matches my skills!  
  
Tiger: Why you!!!!!!!! You'll pay!  
  
(Tiger stats dancing capoeira and kicks Marshall's ass)  
  
Heihachi: While Marshall and Tiger are exchanging their sweet emotions, Yoshimitsu has the ball! He starts dribbling...WHAT? That is NOT dribbling!  
  
Yoshimitsu: DAMN!!!!!!!! I never knew to do this!  
  
(Yoshimitsu falls on ground)  
  
Heihachi: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK...Paul gets close to the ball, he starts leading to the enemy goal, but...WHAT?   
  
(Yoshimitsu takes the sword and slices the ball in half)  
  
Yoshimitsu: I know this better than dribbling!  
  
Heihachi: D...Damn you Yoshimitsu! KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Tekken Force soldiers start fighting with Yoshimitsu)  
  
Heihachi: OK! We have a new ball! Lee Chaolan from the Mighty Losers has the ball! He passes it to Baek Doo San! Baek now passes it back to Lee...wow! Good cooperation between Lee and Baek! Lee is...Lee???  
  
(Lee starts kissing Baek)  
  
Lee: MY BABY! How clever to pass the ball so SMOOTHLY!  
  
Baek: WHAT!??? No white-haired fag kisses with Mighty Loser the Baek Doo San!!!!!  
  
(Baek starts fighting with Lee)  
  
Heihachi: How cute! Let's get back to the game...Armour King has the ball! He does a double pass with his mate, Armour King, but Armour King shoots the ball in audience!!! Wow! The ball hits old lady!  
  
Armour King: Sorry old lady!  
  
Old Lady from the audience: %/$#"&()(%)=/$#(#!$!#"!!!!!!!!!!  
  
King: You must screw everything up! Damn you! I'll show you wha a real football player is!  
  
(King starts wrestling with Armour King, and old lady joins the fight)  
  
Heihachi: WOW! This is incredible! Craig, the goalkeeper, starts running from his position, to King, Armour King and old lady! He starts beating Armour King!!!  
  
Marduk: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: Mighty Losers don't have goalkeeper anymore! Bryan uses the advantage! He starts running like an insane psyho to the goal! He's got the ball and he dribbles it so good! Really impressive skills!  
  
Bryan: BWAHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! YES! YES! KILL! KILL! DIE! DIE! HAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAA!  
  
Heihachi: Bryan is getting close to Mighty Losers' goal! He is alone near the goal! An incredible chance for Gentle Punks, and...  
  
(Bryan shoots the ball and misses the whole goal, and the ball flies out of the stadium)  
  
Bryan: OHH! WAS THAT TOO FAST?  
  
Heihachi: BRYAN MISSED THE EMPTY GOAL!!!!! WHAT AN ASSHOLE! And ball flew out of the stadium! It is still flying! God knows where it came by now!!!  
  
/In Japan/  
  
Japanese guy #1: Hey dude, did you hear of UFO? It visited Japan! An unknown object is flying over the world! It is shaped like a ball and it is flying with incredible speed! It already killed 37 people! We must be careful!  
  
Japanese guy #2: What the...here is it!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
(Ball hits Japanese guy#2 in head and kills him)  
  
Japanese guy #1: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Aliens are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs)  
  
/Back to stadium/  
  
Audience: DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL! DUMB FOOL!   
  
Bryan: Hey what's wrong with you guys? i've just missed the goal, no big deal!  
  
(All Gentle Punks players start fighting with Bryan)  
  
Heihachi: While Bryan is getting whipped, Dr. Bosconovitch has the ball! Wow...what ski...OK, he maybe doesn't have skills, but he can play anyways!  
  
Dr. Bosconovitch: NO I CAN'T! WHAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!! But I have new experiment! LOOK!  
  
(Dr. Bosconovitch explodes)  
  
Heihachi: Rest in pieces, old doc! Meanwhile, Wang Jinery is running with the ball!   
  
Wang: OH MY OLD BONES! DON'T DISAPPOINT ME NOW!  
  
(Wang falls on ground and starts rolling around)  
  
Heihachi: Good job, Wang!   
  
(Limp Bizkit's song "Rollin'" starts playing in the background)  
  
Heihachi: Yoshimitsu managed to kill all Tekken Force Soldiers! WOW! And he has the ball! But, he is going to...HIS OWN GOAL!!! What the?  
  
(Yoshimitsu comes face to face with his goalkeeper, Ganryu)  
  
Yoshimitsu: HOW DARE YOU FOLLOW HONOURABLE SUMO CODE AND STILL LEAD THE LIFE OF CRIMINALITY? YOU WILL NOW PAY!  
  
(Yoshimitsu shoots the ball to his own goal and scores)  
  
Heihachi: HE SCORED A GOAL TO HIS OWN DUMB SELF! Gentle Punks lead with 1:0!  
  
Ganryu: WHAT YOU DUMB ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL YOU JUST DID???!!!  
  
(Ganryu starts fighting with Yoshimitsu)  
  
Heihachi:...but the game continues! My dumb grandson, Jin Kazama has the ball!  
  
Jin: Am I not handsome!? I AM handsome! Look at these muscles! I'm God's gift to women!  
  
(Steve runs to Jin, yelling insanely)  
  
Steve: JIN!!!!!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jin: What the?  
  
Steve: I AM HANDSOME! Not you! Look at THESE muscles! This hair! These sexy eyebrows! Look at this perfume!!! (Takes parfume)  
  
Jin: WHAT? My parfume is better! (Takes his perfume)  
  
Steve: YOU LIE!!!  
  
(Stave and Jin spray each other with perfumes)  
  
Heihachi: Nobody has the ball! Jin and Steve are spraying theirselves with stupid perfumes! Oh my God! Hwoarang is coming!  
  
(Hwoarang runs to Steve and Jin)  
  
Hwoarang: I just came from Korean army! I have a gift for you two!  
  
Steve & Jin: WHAT THE?  
  
(Hwoarang throws bomb to confused Steve and Jin)  
  
Jin: Oh...  
  
Steve:...No.  
  
Hwoarang: Bye!  
  
(Jin and Steve explode)  
  
Heihachi: Another ball exploded! But...we have a new one! Now...mr P. Jack is dribbling the ball! He shoots missiles to enemy players! He comes close to enemy goal! A great chance for Mighty Losers!!! Goalkeeper is confused!!!!!!!!  
  
Marduk: OK! WAIT! JUST DON'T KILL ME WITH THOSE MISSILES! I'LL GO!!!  
  
P. Jack: You better!   
  
(Marduk runs away from his goal, screaming)  
  
Heihachi: What will P. Jack do??? He prepares for scoring, and...  
  
(P. Jack shoots the ball into the goal and ball breaks the whole goal in pieces)   
  
Heihachi: HOORAY! Mighty Losers scored! Now, the score is 1:1! But we need a new goal!  
  
(Tekken Force soldiers come and repair the goal)  
  
Heihachi: Paul has the ball! He passes it to his mate, Lei Wulong! Lei dribbles Steve Fox and Marshall Law! But He can't dribble Lee Chaolan! Lee takes the ball, backflipping Lei!  
  
Lei: Why you little crap! You'll pay!  
  
(Lei takes his gun and shoots Lee)  
  
Heihachi: Lee Chaolan is dead! Bye Lee! Anyways, Lei has the ball again! Paul begs him to pass the ball, but Lei is selfish! What the? Paul is getting close to Lei!  
  
Paul: PASS THE BALL OR FEEL THE PAIN!  
  
Lei: Go to hell!   
  
(Paul does his Death Fist on Lei)  
  
Paul(Singing): BROTHER OLDER BOLD ENOUGH TO FOLD YA YO I TOLD YA!  
  
Lei: Nobody smashes Lei Wulong!  
  
(Lei takes his gun ands shoots Paul too)  
  
Heihachi: Another death! This guy is too dangerous! Tekken Force soldiers, kill him!  
  
(Tekken Force soldiers come to terrain in tanks and shoot Lei with missiles)  
  
Lei: I'm a bad luck guy.  
  
(Missiles blow Lei in pieces)  
  
Heihachi: Anyways, the game continues! Forest Law's got the ball! He runs with the ball so fastly! My God...he's got ants in his pants!  
  
Law(singing): I FEEL GOOD!  
  
(Marshall Law comes)  
  
Marshall: Hey son! Could you pass the ball to your father?  
  
Law: Sure daddy!  
  
(Law passes the ball to Marshall)  
  
Marshall: Thanks, dumbass! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Law: What the?  
  
Heihachi: WOW! Law passed the ball to opposite team! What a fool! Anyways, Marshall leads the ball! No, he doesn't! Mokujin mimics Nina Williams and kicks Marshall in nuts! That's got to hurt!  
  
Marshall: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! This turns me on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mokujin: ??????????????????????????????????????????????  
  
Heihachi: Anyways, Bruce Irvin takes the ball from confused Mokujin and leads! He dribbles Wang who is still rolling!  
  
Wang(sings): Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'...........  
  
Heihachi: But Eddy comes to Bruce!!! He throws a cookie to Bruce!  
  
Eddy: Take a nice cookie!  
  
Bruce: WOW! A COOKIE! YIPPIEE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Bruce eats cookie and Eddy takes the ball from him)  
  
Tiger: Hey Eddy! Let's practice capoeira!  
  
Eddy: Sure!  
  
(Eddy starts doing capoeira moves, and Tiger takes the ball from him)  
  
Eddy: What the hell??? Tiger, you dissapoint me!!!!!!  
  
Tiger: Sorry dude! But I must score, and you would never pass the ball to me! Bye!  
  
Eddy: BUT WE ARE THE SAME FREAKIN' TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: Tiger has the ball! He comes to Mighty Losers' goal, but there is no goalkeeper!!! Garnryu is killed by Yoshimitsu!  
  
Yoshimitsu: HE CAN'T LEAD SUMO CODE AND CRIMINAL! BUT JUSTICE CAME TO HIS FAT BODY!!!  
  
(Tiger shoots and hits Yoshimitsu with the ball)  
  
Yoshimitsu: WHAT??? YOU HIT ME WITH THIS DIRTY MASS OF LEATHER! HOW DARE YOU???  
  
Tiger: Sorry, man. I promise it will never happen again. Just shoot the ball in the goal.  
  
Yoshimitsu: NO I WON'T!  
  
Tiger: WHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE A WUSS!!!You're afraid!  
  
Yoshimitsu: NO I'M NOT! LOOK!  
  
(Yoshimitsu shoots the ball to his own goal and scores again)  
  
Tiger: Gongratulations! (Runs away, laughing)  
  
Yoshimitsu: What the???  
  
Heihachi: Yoshimitsu scored another goal to his team! This is incredible! Gentle Punks are leading with 2:1!  
  
Mighty Losers players: YOU DUMBASS! YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(All players from Mighty Losers start fighting with Yoshimitsu)  
  
Yoshimitsu: BUT I SCORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Yoshimitsu does a suicide and dies)  
  
Heihachi: This is it! The end of the match! Gentle punks won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mighty Losers players: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
(Mighty Losers players start fighting with each other, while Gentle Punks dance Boogie-Woogie)  
  
Heihachi: Gongratulations to the winners! This was a great derby, full of good playing and fighting! There are some deaths, but...they deserved to die! I gotta go now, I hope you enjoyed! 


End file.
